The missing ingredient

While I have tried to keep my dating life out of this forum, I simply cannot ignore what is fast becoming and all-consuming topic on my mind lately.

Chemistry. What is it exactly?

As I’ve now gone on four dates with…let’s call him Fred – I am continually confused about the path that this is taking. Here’s the scoop so far.

Date #1: – Dinner at a local restaurant.

Initial impressions – tall…good. decent looking…also good.

Conversation was good, not much humour but it was the first date. He didn’t try any

funny business either which automatically granted him a second date.

Date #2: – Dinner at a different restaurant.

Impressions – He seemed more relaxed. A few light jokes were exchanged (mostly

on my part).

Conversation was good again. No kiss, no hug, no nothing but at this point, I was still

ok with that.

Date #3: – A drink at a local pub.

Impressions – Conversation was good. We talked politics – what could be better?

Nothing special happened on this one either.

Date #4: – A walk down by the lake followed by dinner at my place.

Impressions – Conversation was fine, dinner was fine, everything was fine…

Nothing special happened on this date either!

Ok, so my questions now are: When do I decide whether or not to stick with it? Does chemistry happen right away or does it develop over time? What is chemistry?

Here are my impressions of the basic ingredients to chemistry:

Humour

Physical appearances

Common interests

But it is not just the appearance of these simple ingredients that create a successful connection. I believe there has to be some sort of unique combination of all three with a smattering of some other surprises (i.e., personality quirks, romanticism etc.)

Humour is big on my list. I think I need to find someone who shares my quirky, ridiculous sense of humour. One of my most famous lines to an ex was: “I know you don’t think I’m funny but I think I’m funny.” It’s true. I do think I’m funny and I’m often attracted to people I think are funny.

With regards to physical appearances: I believe a person either gets better looking or worse looking as you get to know them. Fred is not really becoming more attractive to me.

So, the question I’m stuck on is: “How long does a person wait to see if chemistry is going to develop?”

The answers I get come in the contradictory advice offered up by family and friends.

“You’ll know right away”

“It takes time to develop”

“The ones that develop the slowest last the longest”

“If you don’t feel the connection right away, it won’t ever be there”

I know I spend way too much time over analyzing this issue and I continue to welcome any advice, opinions or shared stories so let me know what you think!