What I’ve Got Against Coconut

I don’t like coconut. Not coconut juice, not coconut milk, just coconut. I even have a little rhymey phrase for it:

Coconut makes me choke-o-nut.

Last night, I was tricked into eating coconut! Tricked! It was somehow hidden into a yummy Dufflet sugar-free brownie. Here is what happened:

I took a bite of that yummy brownie (which I wouldn’t have, had I known there was coconut in it) and started to chew, letting the deliciousness of the sweet, sweet malitol soak into my taste buds. As the brownie dissolved, I noticed a foreign texture. Something hard but not crunchie, something very fine but very much in the way. I couldn’t quite figure out what it was but was spoiling the whole tasting experience. Was it some sort of nut? Like a pecan? No. Pecans dissolve. These pieces were just lingering there, tangling themselves up in my teeth. It had to be coconut. No matter how hard my tongue worked to get those little buggers out of the crevices they had dug themselves into, they still managed to linger. Even once I had gathered a tiny pile of coconut, I couldn’t even chew it down. If I tried doing that, they all just took off in my teeth again! Ugh, this was exhausting and by this point, the brownie was completely gone so I wasn’t even getting any flavour or taste from this. I then went for the water, accepting the fact that the only thing to do was to wash it all down in one go. HA! It took almost and entire glass of water and continuous picking. I even resorted to (and don’t judge me here, I was desperate!!) trying to pick it out of my teeth with my finger. Yes…I know. Well, desperate times call for desperate measures my friends.

I don’t like coconut because it spoils all of the fun. It insists on working it’s way into the tasting experience and never leaves! Worst of all, there is nothing to be gained from having it there. No taste, no enjoyable texture… Shaved coconut is not my friend. It tries to choke me, it exhausts me and it makes me look like some hick fool while I sit there and suck out and pick at my teeth. This folks, is what I’ve got against coconut.



1 Comment

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One response to “What I’ve Got Against Coconut

  1. Sarah

    I agree…I sooooo hate coconut, especially when it’s hidden in food. It should come with a warning on it!

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