Tag Archives: rants

The Weak Chin Explained

A couple of weeks ago, I was away at a cottage with some friends.  I accidentally let it slip that one of my physical turn-offs were men with weak chins.  Since then, I’ve been bothered by the fact that I may not have been totally clear regarding the so called “weak chin”.  I mean, saying that I have a general dislike for men with weak chins makes me sound shallow!  While I maintain that I am not, the weak chin is simply something I have difficulty getting past.  This weekend away had me questioning whether weak chins really bothered me.  Could I get past a weak chin if  a guy had everything else going on?  Is a weak chin a deal breaker?  In my search to find the answers to these questions, I came upon a few realizations.

What is a weak chin?

A weak chin (as so wonderfully demonstrated by Teresa during the cottage weekend), is a recessed chin that appears disproportionately smaller than a person’s nose.

Exhibit A

If you were to take a ruler and hold it vertically from the tip of this guy’s nose, there would be at least a half inch gap between his chin and the ruler.

Exhibit B

This poor guy’s chin is almost a part of his neck!

So…can a person do something to fix a weak chin? Well sure, there is such a thing as chin augmentation surgery but can a weak chin be hidden by a beard?

You tell me.

Can a person get past their weak chin and be seen as attractive by people?

Unsure? Want a closer look?

So what’s the solution? While there is no solution for my picky tastes, there is a simple solution out there for those with weak chins provided to you here, free of charge.

Kelry

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Prissy Prius Drivers

In life we have many expectations.  Many of them are expectations that are shared by those around us.  Every once in awhile though, we may be surprised by expectations we didn’t realize we even had.

I had one of those surprises not too long ago.  I was leaving the garage of my building, ready to drive out and run some errands.  I exited in my usual way, going straight towards the ramp.  While other traffic often drives toward the ramp from the right, the usual dance of hesitant approach to the intersection followed by a mutual agreement of who is going to go first, usually ensues. 

You can all guess what happened next.  I approached the intersection with usual caution, only to be left in the proverbial dust by…(are you ready for this?)…a Prius!

Not only was I annoyed by this rude act but even more so because it was a Prius.  I realized I had higher expectations of behaviour from someone who drove such an environmentally friendly car.  I guess I figured if people were kinder to the environment by purchasing that car, then they were generally kinder people.

Is this unreasonable?  I don’t think so.  I think that if you choose to purchase a Prius, there should be some sort of kindness questionnaire or test that you have to pass in order to drive that car.  A kind of test that would weed out the kinds of people who purchase a Prius just to make it seem like they are these high and mighty environmentally friendly people when really they are jerks like the rest of us and reserve that kind of a car for people who really are kinder and care more for everyone and everything around them.  Simply put, people who drive a Prius should be nice.

Kelry

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Snuggie – Wild Side!

Anyone who knows me, knows my utter disdain for the Snuggie.  This “revolutionary” idea is simply a cheap piece of felt with two tubes attached to it. 

Now, some people would argue that some of the greatest inventions have been based on the simplest concepts. Take the hula hoop for example.  Now that’s just a plastic circle!  BUT, there are differences between that and the Snuggie.  The hula hoop was made of semi-durable plastic AND it provided entertainment and exercise that was different than any other product out there. 

The snuggie is NOT a new idea.  It is simply an extension of an already great invention – the blanket.  However, this extension is not even an improvement on the blanket because of the cheap material used.  The material is so thin, it hardly provides the weight and warmth a blanket requires.  Through many generations, people have put their heart and souls into making blankets, knitting, crocheting, sewing and yet the Snuggie can’t even provide decent quality material?

While more people may argue that the Snuggie is functional I would argue again that this ‘new’ idea is not new at all.  In fact, if I wanted the function that a Snuggie provides, wouldn’t I simply wear my housecoat backwards?  I mean, even the material of my housecoat is of better quality!

While being appalled by a friend’s purchase of the Snuggie, I actually gave it a whirl and got exactly what I expected from it.  The utter dissatisfaction of feeling the world’s cheapest material rubbing up against my skin while it in no way provided me with any sort of snuggly feeling.  I think the Snuggie would only keep a person warm simply through the fact that the toxic material (which I’m convinced may be some sort of plastic) does not breathe at all.  I’m sure if I had tried it for any extended period of time, I would be forced to rename it the “Sweatie”.

Now, if this is not bad enough, I’ve recently discovered that the Snuggie has expanded into creating different prints on its products.  I was in a Walmart when I recently saw the “Snuggie – Wild Side!” on display.  YIKES!  This thing now comes in your choice of zebra or cheetah print!  Once again, the makers of the Snuggie took it one step too far when they made the “camel print” Snuggie.  Ummmm…camel print?  It was simply a light brown Snuggie folks, not the least bit resembling a camel of any sort! 

I’m not falling for your tricks Snuggie!  Wild Side or not, I refuse to invest my money in a product that a) already exists – I have two housecoats thank you very much, and b) is made of a material so weak, I don’t even think it would be flammable.  I think if flames even came near it, the Snuggie would simply give off a quick flash of light and turn into a pile of grey, Snuggie ash.

Kelry

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Old People in Big Cars

What is it with the elderly driving large cars?  I mean, I have nothing against the elderly, nor do I have anything against big cars but putting the two together creates an automatic war zone in any metropolitan area. 

I literally feel like I’m suddenly a stealth fighter, trying to anticipate my enemy’s moves.  I mean, I was driving downtown tonight and literally, I feel this presence beside me.  A haunting, wavering, hovering presence.  A quick glance to my left revealed the enemy.  A man that had to be in his 80’s, hunched over the steering wheel, squinting his enemy stare through large, thick glasses. 

With my heightened awareness, I immediately sized up the situation.  Ok, a three lane road, not much other traffic on the road, some slushy conditions, nighttime.  If I had to speed up or brake to avoid this hazard, I could and more importantly, if I had to change lanes to get around and ahead of him I could do that as well…

The enemy crept closer beside me, taunting me by crossing over the broken lines on the road.  I slowed down a bit, allowing him to play out his attack.  He pressed on the brakes seeing that the road went downhill.  This obviously threw him off course and gave me a chance to play into his faults.  I eased by him with my guard up, only looking back to ensure he wasn’t about to pull a trick move.

Phew!  That was a close one and there are many other enemies like that out on the road.  You just have to keep your guard up and have a game plan is all.

kelry

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Food Rule #276 – Sandwiches made by other people

sammiesI have many food rules. Many people know this already. I don’t deny it and I don’t deny that sometimes I break my own food rules. I admit that over the years, I have bent and often broken some of my own food rules only to be opened up to new tasty delights however, there is a reason these rules are in place and I recently discovered why.

One of my food rules is that I generally don’t eat sandwiches made by people other than myself or my Mom. Perhaps it is because over the years, I’ve gotten used to my Mom’s sandwiches and when I make them, I know exactly what goes into them. I have very vivid memories of having sandwiches made on bread I wasn’t used to with bright orangey-yellow margerine heaped onto it and condiments all mixed together.

Someone recently asked me if this food rule included subs from Subway. No, it does not. Funnily enough, if it is a sub or some sort of gourmet sandwich, it passes.

This does include however, sandwiches and wraps put together by catering companies and other people. These sandwiches often show up in a complimentary lunch for work and at things like showers and funerals. Those ones are definitely out. If I am faced with a situation in which I feel I must consume one (usually when I’m absolutely famished and realize it will be a long time until I eat again), I usually go for the egg salad. I know it sounds gross but the thought of those luncheon meats with their preservatives and not knowing whether you are eating ham or olive loaf just creeps me out. Don’t get me started on tuna or salmon. Cold fish out of a can?! No thanks.

I was playing a concert recently and in between the dress rehearsal and the concert, we were served some sandwiches. I hadn’t eaten enough during the day and was starving when the sandwiches arrived. They were as I expected, beautifully laid out and arranged to impress but I wasn’t impressed. I struggled with the decision. Do I cave into my hunger and choke down one of these things or do I ignore the hunger knowing it would be at least another 3 hours until I could eat again? I looked at the platter and decided that an egg salad wrap might be the least offensive to me.

I ate it quickly, not even trying to enjoy any flavour it may have had. It satisfied the hunger pangs enough and I got through the concert.

Not even 24 hours later, I was doubled over in pain and have had the stomach flu for two days now. Coincidence? I don’t know but for now, this food rule still stands.

kelry

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What I’ve Got Against Coconut

I don’t like coconut. Not coconut juice, not coconut milk, just coconut. I even have a little rhymey phrase for it:

Coconut makes me choke-o-nut.

Last night, I was tricked into eating coconut! Tricked! It was somehow hidden into a yummy Dufflet sugar-free brownie. Here is what happened:

I took a bite of that yummy brownie (which I wouldn’t have, had I known there was coconut in it) and started to chew, letting the deliciousness of the sweet, sweet malitol soak into my taste buds. As the brownie dissolved, I noticed a foreign texture. Something hard but not crunchie, something very fine but very much in the way. I couldn’t quite figure out what it was but was spoiling the whole tasting experience. Was it some sort of nut? Like a pecan? No. Pecans dissolve. These pieces were just lingering there, tangling themselves up in my teeth. It had to be coconut. No matter how hard my tongue worked to get those little buggers out of the crevices they had dug themselves into, they still managed to linger. Even once I had gathered a tiny pile of coconut, I couldn’t even chew it down. If I tried doing that, they all just took off in my teeth again! Ugh, this was exhausting and by this point, the brownie was completely gone so I wasn’t even getting any flavour or taste from this. I then went for the water, accepting the fact that the only thing to do was to wash it all down in one go. HA! It took almost and entire glass of water and continuous picking. I even resorted to (and don’t judge me here, I was desperate!!) trying to pick it out of my teeth with my finger. Yes…I know. Well, desperate times call for desperate measures my friends.

I don’t like coconut because it spoils all of the fun. It insists on working it’s way into the tasting experience and never leaves! Worst of all, there is nothing to be gained from having it there. No taste, no enjoyable texture… Shaved coconut is not my friend. It tries to choke me, it exhausts me and it makes me look like some hick fool while I sit there and suck out and pick at my teeth. This folks, is what I’ve got against coconut.

Kelrycoconut

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