Tag Archives: Things

Snuggie – Wild Side!

Anyone who knows me, knows my utter disdain for the Snuggie.  This “revolutionary” idea is simply a cheap piece of felt with two tubes attached to it. 

Now, some people would argue that some of the greatest inventions have been based on the simplest concepts. Take the hula hoop for example.  Now that’s just a plastic circle!  BUT, there are differences between that and the Snuggie.  The hula hoop was made of semi-durable plastic AND it provided entertainment and exercise that was different than any other product out there. 

The snuggie is NOT a new idea.  It is simply an extension of an already great invention – the blanket.  However, this extension is not even an improvement on the blanket because of the cheap material used.  The material is so thin, it hardly provides the weight and warmth a blanket requires.  Through many generations, people have put their heart and souls into making blankets, knitting, crocheting, sewing and yet the Snuggie can’t even provide decent quality material?

While more people may argue that the Snuggie is functional I would argue again that this ‘new’ idea is not new at all.  In fact, if I wanted the function that a Snuggie provides, wouldn’t I simply wear my housecoat backwards?  I mean, even the material of my housecoat is of better quality!

While being appalled by a friend’s purchase of the Snuggie, I actually gave it a whirl and got exactly what I expected from it.  The utter dissatisfaction of feeling the world’s cheapest material rubbing up against my skin while it in no way provided me with any sort of snuggly feeling.  I think the Snuggie would only keep a person warm simply through the fact that the toxic material (which I’m convinced may be some sort of plastic) does not breathe at all.  I’m sure if I had tried it for any extended period of time, I would be forced to rename it the “Sweatie”.

Now, if this is not bad enough, I’ve recently discovered that the Snuggie has expanded into creating different prints on its products.  I was in a Walmart when I recently saw the “Snuggie – Wild Side!” on display.  YIKES!  This thing now comes in your choice of zebra or cheetah print!  Once again, the makers of the Snuggie took it one step too far when they made the “camel print” Snuggie.  Ummmm…camel print?  It was simply a light brown Snuggie folks, not the least bit resembling a camel of any sort! 

I’m not falling for your tricks Snuggie!  Wild Side or not, I refuse to invest my money in a product that a) already exists – I have two housecoats thank you very much, and b) is made of a material so weak, I don’t even think it would be flammable.  I think if flames even came near it, the Snuggie would simply give off a quick flash of light and turn into a pile of grey, Snuggie ash.

Kelry

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Roller Derby 101

I went to a roller derby match last night. Admittedly, I knew that going would inevitably create material for a new blog post but a friend of mine announced recently that she was in a 10-week training session to become a roller derby girl (if that’s what you call them). I was curious to find out if today’s roller derby was just like the 1970’s picture I had in my head of people in wild outfits, punching, pushing and shoving other people off the track.

This match took place in an old hangar. It was the Death Track Dolls vs. the Gore Gore Girls. I’m not sure what I expected but it was indeed an old hangar. I kept wondering who on earth goes to these matches. Well, obviously tonight, it was me but the fact that we had to wait in line to get in showed me that there is obviously some kind of fan base.

We stepped inside and took in the scene. The flat track was only marked by some taped down tubing and there was a small table set up in the middle. Not only were there stands set up all around the hangar but people had even brought their own lawn chairs and had set up on the floor. The really brave ones sat directly on the floor only a few feet from the track. My friend pointed out that area as the “suicide zone” because apparently some of the players actually fall into the crowd.

We found some seats within the safety of the stands, asking the kind gentleman with his nose, tongue, lip, both eyebrows and ears pierced if the seats were free. I sat down and tried to understand who these people were that came to these matches. While it was a bit of a mixed crowd, most people, decorated with numerous piercings and tattoos, were clearly friends of the players.

My observations were quickly interrupted with the announcer, nicknamed “Crankypants” announcing each referee. It was difficult to understand him through the distorted speaker system so I referred to my program. It became clear very quickly that everyone had a nickname – even the refs. The first ref out was “Sir Refsalot”, adorned in a kilt. The biggest cheers came for “The Krow” though, who came out wearing black wings and skated with wings spread around the track.

The announcer then began announcing the names…things like “Lunchbox” and “Dust Bunny” and “Dolly Parts ‘Em”. As the names were announced, these women came out and paraded around the track.

The Death Track Dolls were the first to be introduced, in their white tank tops. Each woman wore some kind of tights/stockings and many wore torn up fishnet stockings underneath bootie shorts or a short skirt. The women on this team even took time to do their makeup, adding things like fake blood coming out of their mouths and white and black make up to make them look dead. The theme of the Gore Gore Girls was clearly leopard skin, as they all came out wearing some sort of leopard skin leotard again matched with various stockings. We were then asked to stand for the national anthem. We all stood their in silence until a recording of O Canada came on about halfway through the first verse. A singer quickly joined in and while his voice was lovely, he made the grave mistake of stopping and listening to the recording his voice had previously drowned out. He, and the entire hangar of fans quickly realized he was not at all with the recording. He panicked, and tried to come in at the right time but came in with the wrong words! He stopped again and then got back on track just in time for the final line of the song.

The match got started soon after that and while it took me some time to understand what was going on, I again, referred to my booklet to help me. After reading the explanation of the game and the rules, I realized this roller derby was a little different than older versions. Apparently there was no punching or even elbowing allowed. ‘Phew!’

As the game continued, the announcer continued talking through the mic, informing people of what was going on. When he wasn’t doing that, he was trying to get the crowd excited and cheering loudly. His method however, in my opinion, left a lot to be desired. Sure he said all of the right things but as he demanded the audience cheer “louder! Louder! LOUDER!!”, his face only looked angrier. I mean, it was going purple with rage. I think in the end, the fans were intimidated into cheering louder.

After the first thirty minute period, it was announced that there would be a thirty minute break. I wondered if there was going to be some sort of 7th inning stretch. It was somewhere between watching one fan build a pyramid of beer cans on the floor and noticing the woman wearing a spiked, purple bra that covered only her one remaining breast that the dancers came out.

Two young girls came out dressed like some sort of angels. Perhaps it is because I’ve been spoiled by watching “So You Think You Can Dance” and seeing some really fabulous dancers but these ones just seemed to wave their arms and run back and forth. Perhaps it wasn’t even the dancing itself that I was disappointed with but the fact that it just seemed so out of place at this particular venue.

The second half started with much of the same action that the first half of the game held. It was fast paced and it seemed that when there was a fall, the key was to act as dramatically as possible, curling up in pain, or slapping the floor. After each dramatic episode however, the women got up and continued skating without any problems.

The game ended and the Gore Gore Girls got to do their victory lap around the track. While it was an interesting night, we didn’t stick around long after the game!

Kelry

roller derby

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The Neti Pot

neti

So I was watching Jeopardy the other day and in my usual fashion, was shouting out answers in the form of questions of course for any categories I knew. There was an entire category dedicated to Dr. Oz. As the clue popped up, it was a video of Dr. Oz. The clue went something like this: “This is used to clear the sinus cavaties and can relieve sinus congestion”

“WHAT IS A NETI POT?!!!!” I yelled at the screen. Of course I was right and why was I right?

Well, like many others, I had seen it demonstrated on Oprah but at that point, it never registered what the actual name of this device was. It wasn’t until a friend of mine on facebook, sent me a message asking me if I had experienced the wonders of the neti pot. We had an ongoing conversation where I insisted the act was gross and I wouldn’t be using it anytime soon. He insisted it was some kind of miracle device.

I suppose if I were someone who suffered from sinus colds or infections, I would be on board with the neti too but I’m not. I see the neti as a snot flusher outer. It simply flushes the liquid snot in your head, out of your nose. I mean, look at the picture above. Does that look like a natural act?! I think not!

I mistakenly put my comment about knowing the Jeopardy answer on my status update on facebook and lo and behold, a slew of responses ensued. It seemed everyone wanted to chime in on what a freakin’ miracle this neti pot was! You’d think by their responses that these people had incurable diseases cured by this thing! It became clear very quickly that I wasn’t going to win this one but for the record, I don’t like the neti.

kelry

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Discovering my Inner Eliptical Goddess

FET8162P_ElipticalTrainerOne of the promises I made to myself this summer was to spend some time getting back to doing weights at the gym.  I don’t enjoy doing weights…at all…but I do like feeling strong.  My weight plan is simple and involves only basic resistance training.  This was to be combined with some running and biking on the side.  This morning however, as I was lifting those dumbells above my head, the eliptical machine caught my eye.  Don’t get me wrong, I had seen the eliptical machine there before and had even seen it in action but something was different this morning.  It was somehow inviting me, calling me over to step on those steps and take it for a test drive.

I got on and decided to play it safe with the manual setting.  This meant that I could simply go on for as little or as long as I liked.  I started things up and as it took me a few moments to find my rhythm, I noticed the machine was pre-programmed to go for 30 minutes.  Could I even handle 30 minutes??  As I picked up speed, I then noticed something flashing.  The machine was reading my heartrate.  I took note of the number and glanced at this little chart beside it to see if I was at the ideal heartrate.  I couldn’t tell!  I mean, all of the lights in this little graph were lit up.  I even tried to purposely slow down the machine to see if the chart changed.  Nope.  Nothing.  Once I got over that, I realized I had been on the machine for only 3 minutes.  While I wasn’t huffing and puffing, I wasn’t sure I could stand being on this thing for 30 whole minutes.  My legs were already feeling a little wobbly and if I got going too fast, I felt the machine just might throw me right off!

I promised myself I would only commit to 15 minutes.  This seemed like a manageable time.  I settled into an even steadier rhythm and tried to concentrate only on the entertainment news on the television.  The funny thing is, as I got going, the time flew by…9 minutes, 11 minutes, 15 minutes.  After that 15 minute mark, I was feeling great!  I was sweating and was enjoying bouncing around on this thing!  As you can imagine, the rest of the time flew by and I left feeling excited about the eliptical!  I was going to be an eliptical goddess!  Ok, maybe not a goddess but someone who is actually looking forward to trying it again tomorrow!

 

Kelry

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Plastic Covered Couches

So I recently decided to enter into the modern high-tech world by finally getting a mobile phone plan. Yes, I did previously own a cell phone, but was content to use my pay-as-you-go cards for those necessary phone calls and texts. As my life has been progressively getting a little busier, I decided it was time to invest just a few more dollars in this added convenience.

I walked into the Rogers store and explained what I wanted. They assured me that they could provide me with everything that I needed and for the right price to boot. All of this happened but not without a few surprises.

First of all, I was told that I would have to get a new phone if I signed up for a plan with Rogers. What? My phone is only a year old and it is red. I like that it is red. My phone was a gift and that also pleases me. I didn’t want a new phone. Trying desperately not to sound ridiculously stupid and materialistic, I tried to plead my case to the Rogers guy. No deal. As he then tried to sell me a Blackberry instead for the low, low price of about $50/month, I reminisced about the early days of having my red phone. I was always very careful with it and even left the plastic protective sheets on it until they literally fell off. Once the plastic finally came off, I polished it and made sure there were as few fingerprints as possible on it.

When I finally snapped out of it, I looked down to see both a pink and a black Blackberry sitting in front of me. Luckily, I was strong enough to say right then and there that unfortunately, I didn’t think I would use it since I was not in business. I then realized that I was being ridiculous and that this phone was a small material item for which I should not be placing that much sentimental value. I agreed to the plan and was then given the choice a variety of phones. I then had to go into another schpiel of explaining that it had to be a Motorola phone and that my old phone was a gift from a friend who worked at Motorola and the least I could do was continute to support that company. He did look at me in an odd kind of way. Perhaps it was my wording…I seem to recall saying I needed to protect my friend’s job at Motorola. A little extreme I admit but I seemed to get my point across. I was given a choice of a black phone or a silver one. I chose silver secretly knowing that I could keep that one shinier than the black one.

The Rogers guy went to the back and returned with my new phone in the box. In one swift movement, he opened the box, pulled out the phone and peeled off all three protective wrappers. I gasped! How could he? How dare he? He clearly saw me gasp and looked at me with an eyebrow raised.

“Is something wrong?”

How could I explain this? The wrapping stays on until nature pulls it off?? I could protect that phone for at least a few weeks with the wrapping. Not wanting to share this latest and oddest piece of information I simply replied: “Oh nothing. It’s fine.”

Perhaps this was what I needed to A) realize that this was just a material item and nothing more and B) prevent myself from turning into one of those people that keeps the protective plastic on their couches.

Kelry

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